Well, I got the denial letter from Social Security today. No results from the neurological testing--I think I'll call the doctor who did the testing just to see if I can get any results for my own records. It can't hurt to ask. Not that I'm thinking of appealing or reapplying again--I'm done. Time to just go on with my life.
It's gone back to drought conditions here. We'd had one good rain a few days ago, which wasn't enough to make up for the dry spell, and now it's getting hotter every day again. It makes sense to have a lot of trees right now--everything under the 'forest' that is my yard is still green. We may have the only green grass for miles. Although if this keeps up I can see it turning brown pretty soon--at least in the small open spaces. We'll still have plenty of green.
I've been trying to clean out a couple of drawers/cupboards/shelves every day. I want to clean up some of the clutter around here. It's easy to accumulate when you have four kids and a major medical condition. And I've become temporarily obsessed with Schubert's last four impromptus--the very last one is the one I've been practicing for months, but now I'm playing the other three quite a bit.
And I've started my annual pull-up-as-much-as-you-can-of-the-ragweed-on-the-island-before-it-pollinates routine. It helps quite a bit with the hay fever. Hardly any of it even grows near the house any more, because I'm especially diligent about that. And I should start stocking up on Sudafed. If you buy too much Sudafed at once--yes, big brother is watching, and the stores keep track of how much you buy, because people use Sudafed to make meth. Antihistamines are fine, but I tend to try to get a sinus infection when the pollen gets bad.
I am bored and frustrated. The kids are out of homeschooling for the next month-and-a-half to two months, and I'm just trying to keep busy. My oldest has an amusement park trip next week and a mission trip at the end of the month and a skit at church to work on. The other three have....nothing. One child has started to have major behavior problems, and I wonder if this is part of the reason. I can't even afford to take them anywhere. We can barely afford the gas to go anywhere. They sit and watch TV. We go to the library, but they can only read so many hours a day. My sister is coming to visit. In August. It's as if we're in prison. It's a very nice, comfy prison. It's very pretty outside.
I'm at least keeping busy. As long as I keep moving I'll be all right. But I don't usually have to work this hard at not getting depressed unless I'm sick. My husband hears from people wondering why if we're having such a hard time I don't just go out and get a job. I don't know whether I want to get out of the house more often, or stay home so I don't have to talk to anybody. But that's irrelevant--as it is the amusement park money will be coming from the grocery money my parents are giving me next week (with their blessing). None of my kids have ever been to an amusement park, and I don't want her to miss this chance. Hopefully when the other ones get older they'll get to go, too.
And now the pity party needs to end. A smart prisoner doesn't let the time go to waste. With any luck, I'm not going to think about this any more today. I'm going to go play impromptus and go through some more clutter. I'm going to try to look back over this summer as the time I lost a little weight (down nine pounds since I stopped being sick) and went through a significant amount of clutter and composed and memorized a few things and was a reasonable cheerful mother. The day before yesterday we all went for a walk along the road. We watched little puffy clouds move across the sun--the shadows overtook us on the road, and then took off fast ahead of us. Today they sprayed weed-killer all up and down the road, so that's out now. We have to have a little fun today (every day)....I wonder what I can scrounge up?
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