Tuesday, June 19, 2012

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Hi!  I'm still here.  I got tired of posting about (a) my on-going conflict with my own brain, (b) my on-going conflict with the Social Security Administration, (c) what it's like to live at half the poverty limit (well, with help from my family--I don't want to know what it's like without help), or (d) what I've cleaned around the house lately.  I'm not tired of posting about the piano--mostly lately I compose, practice my compositions, work on memorizing the 'Jameson Whiskey' song--I'm almost finished with that, play Schubert's impromptu, work on memorizing the Chopin mazurka....Yesterday I started working my way (tortuously for me and everybody else in the household) through Bach's Well-Tempered Clavier.  Some of it I like, some not so much.  And I've been reading about diminished seventh chords, which led me into jazz and blue notes.

And then there's the drought--and it's definitely a drought now.  It's hardly rained for maybe a month and a half.  I'm keeping my whole island alive now.  I suspect the birds and animals would be having a very hard time without me.  I've seen hummingbirds bathing under the stream of water from my hose while I'm watering plants.  Wasps and bees are drinking from the bird bath.  Never seen that before.  It's dry.  And I've heard a lot of people complaining about feeling tired and headachy.  Including me.  I'm thinking it must be the weather.  The high temp is supposed to be 96 F today.

I've been reading my book about Kabbalah--"God is a Verb" by David Cooper.  I've been interested in this--I've been online at the Kabbalah Center website and on Wikipedia, and I've got some more books.  I've even been in contact with someone on the phone and taken my first online course--a free intro to Kabbalah.  I started to wish I could take some more classes, and order some CDs, but then I thought, just try and stop me from learning about something.  It won't be the first time I've taught myself.  That's one of the dangers of homeschooling--pretty soon people start to think they're not dependent on somebody else to come along and spoon-feed them.  Once upon a time I wished I could take piano lessons or study music in college.  But now I think that might have taken a lot of the joy out of it, especially given the roadblocks my brain likes to throw in my way from time to time.

But the online course reminded me of college.  There are some things I miss about college.  If I'm honest, one of the things I liked was the idea--that I was an intelligent person with a bright future ahead of me.  Who wouldn't find that appealing?  And every new class was a potential adventure.

I've conveniently forgotten what it was like to be so sick--to walk across the campus, go directly to a restroom, and cough until I threw up, and then go on to class.  To be so exhausted I could hardly stay awake.  Trying to keep up with classes despite missing lectures because of illness, getting lost all the time, not recognizing people, having trouble with an occasional class because of the leftover learning disabilities.  I'm still convinced the only reason I passed remedial English was that I peppered the professor with so many questions he couldn't help but believe he'd gotten my best effort.  It was nearly impossible for me to go to his office and ask for help--I'd been trained my entire life to never. admit. I had. a problem.

Sometimes one of my greatest strengths is my inability to do what I'm told.

And now it's almost dinner time--one of the girls is making scrambled eggs and sausage, and another one is making toast.  We're watching the new Star Trek movie.  The next one is supposed to come out this year.

See you later!

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