This is that volcano that erupted in Iceland several months back. And now it's been several days since I found this picture, and I've slept, and I forgot where I got it. Bing, probably.
We're watching 'The Happening' by M. Night Shyamalan tonight. I definitely would NOT let children watch this. My youngest are eleven and it's scaring the heck out of them. :) It's a bit gory, too. A lion rips a guy's arm off, and I pipe up, 'It's just a scratch'. (Monty Python is too funny. Half the people in the room thought I was funny. Half of them thought I was gross. Probably the same half who didn't think Monty was funny. I think some British humor is hysterical. I loved 'Red Dwarf'.)
I've decided I want a new name for 'disabled'. It just hit me the other day. I am tired of being 'disabled'.
'Crippled' would be silly--it's not as if I can't walk. Handicapped? No. Not today, anyway. Sick? Ill? That doesn't seem to do it justice. People with the flu (and people who say "it's just a scratch") are 'sick'. And don't even get me started on 'differently abled'. Not only is it an unwieldy mouthful, but it sounds as if I'm just fine, no problem, just 'different'. It doesn't give any indication of some of the struggles people like me go through. As if we can just pretend everything is fine.
It's just like changing from words like 'idiot' and 'moron' to 'retarded', which then becomes a pejorative so we say 'slow', and then 'mentally challenged'. Actually, 'mentally challenged' might apply to me pretty well if it weren't already taken.
The problem is that any word with which I replace 'disabled' will just become another word with negative connotations.
I'd like for that to disappear one day. I will very likely never be well, but I would like to be O.K. I'd like it to be acceptable that I'm not well, and that my brain doesn't work like everybody else's. I'd like to be just one of the guys.
Warning: I am about to whine. I am tired of being disabled, and I am tired of trying to prove that I'm disabled, and I am tired of apologizing for being this way. I'm tired of being poor. My husband hasn't worked in a week, and I can't work, or get food stamps or social security, or find even a part-time job online (just spent last Sunday afternoon looking again out of desperation). Tomorrow we all are going to the Social Security office to get replacements for the cards that had to go in person to another government agency and never came back. I'm going to ask for my CD of info for my disability appeal. I am tired of dealing with this. I wish I could just go on with my life. There must be more than this.
I know some people have bigger problems. Although when I look at the possibility of having to move back in with my parents some day, that seems big enough.
Someone asked on a Kabbalah thread if people would say what their greatest problems were. So many people worried about their finances or their health or their interpersonal relationships. I guess this is just the way it is.
Anyway, I've started (just barely) the third movement of the sonata. The second is still getting finished up. It's funny--I was sitting at the computer writing the music for the second movement, and I heard the beginning of the third. This isn't unknown for composers--I sometimes hear music, like an auditory hallucination. Sometimes I can do it on purpose now. So I stopped everything right in the middle and started writing the beginning of that third movement.
And the movie's over--time to go! I've got things to do tonight. Bye!
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