I got something from Social Security the day before yesterday. I was certain it was a denial letter, but, no, it was a form for another exam. In only a week. This one is a psychological exam. I'm not sure how I feel about this--will it be yet another IQ test? I've had several over the years as people have tried to figure out What's Wrong With Deb. It would be way too much to hope for it to be a test for something, like, oh, I don't know, maybe one of the neurological conditions I have. It'll probably be some standardized test they give everyone, just like the physical exam a couple of weeks ago. I hope the last doctor doesn't think I have some kind of mental problem.
I know now something I didn't know years ago--that people with Asperger's tend to get misdiagnosed with various mental illnesses. I've had problems with that in the past. I have to assume that none of them really knew what they were talking about, especially since no two people ever diagnosed me with the same thing. I even went to a few close people in my life once to ask if they thought I might be mentally ill. (Their answer was a unanimous 'no', in case you were wondering.) I trust the people who know me best more than professionals who've seen me once or twice or had me fill in little multiple-choice circles on pieces of paper.
Another thing I know now is that I have very little facial expression. I don't know if it's due to the Asperger's, or the prosopagnosia. It's not unusual for people like me to completely fail to read other people's facial expressions; maybe that's why I'm not so good at mimicking them. I've been told that I need to exhibit more enthusiasm, more cheerfulness. I've seen myself on videotape--I can look like a robot, even when I'm feeling happy. It was jarring to see. I don't imagine this helps with psychiatrists. At least now I'm aware of it.
The weather has been getting very dry. We saw a raccoon in our bird bath today--the first mammal we've ever seen there. I've started putting some water for the 'critters' out back behind the house. And I've warned the girls to always take a dog outside with them--which we all do anyway--because sometimes thirst makes animals a little bolder about coming right up to the house.
And now on to The Day I Made Everybody Else Faceblind. One of my daughters told me I should post this story on the blog. It's from a few years ago. We went to a children's museum where they had a giant maze set up. I had the girls all dressed in matching red sweaters with multi-colored striped sleeves. When they were younger I used to dress them all alike, and fix their hair alike, especially if we were going somewhere where there were going to be a lot of people. I don't recognize my own children. Now they're all old enough to find me.
I didn't mean to do it. I let them all loose in the maze, staying at the only entrance so none of them could leave without me. It wasn't until they were finished and I started collecting them that I realized what I had done. Every time the people in the maze had seen another red sweater, they'd thought it was the same child. People started coming out of the maze and expressing their disbelief that there had been four of them. I'd confused the heck out of those poor people. Come to think of it, I made them faceblind while they were also lost. I gave them all a pretty good simulation of a normal day for me.
I'm going to spend the next couple of days playing through all of Chopin's nocturnes. I still need more material for mine, and I'm hoping some form of inspiration will strike eventually.
I hadn't realized how late it's getting now--time to go. I'm at my mental best (such as it is) first thing in the morning. Good night!
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