Liar, Liar

My mother feels insulted.  So does my husband.

The good news is that it's not because of anything I said.  It's because of how they've both been treated by Social Security.

My mother said the other day that she feels as if they think she's lying about my disabilities.   I told her I think they assume everybody's lying.  But she's not accustomed to this.

I thought about this, and then I asked her if she'd ever been accused of lying.  She said no.  My mother is a very honest person.  In fact, if anyone in my immediate family says they're going to be somewhere or do something, you can be certain of it.  So I can see why she doesn't get accused of being untruthful.

Me, on the other hand....

Wow.  I started getting accused of lying in grade school.  Teachers thought I was lying about having trouble with my schoolwork.  Gym teachers thought I was making it up about being totally 'out of sync' with my physical environment.  It didn't get better in high school.  When I was tested because of my assortment of high and low grades (and I know I failed some of the tests), my parents were told nothing was wrong with me.  Since I got high marks on some of the tests, I must have been faking.  They were also told that I wasn't really sick.  After high school, employers were quick to assume that I wasn't really sick when I said I was, and most doctors were quick to agree with them.  When I had trouble learning something, most people thought I just wasn't trying hard enough.

I've told various people in my personal life over the last ten years or so about my neurological problems, and my immune deficiency.  Sometimes they believe me, sometimes not.  Quite often not.  Maybe it's typical for somebody with autistic tendencies to be surprised, but I used to think that if I told the truth all the time, people would eventually figure out that I was telling the truth.  I've been surprised that I can know people for decades and still be accused of lying.

Maybe it's partly the prosopagnosia--not only do I not recognize faces, but I suck at facial expressions, and I also suck at making them.  Eye contact isn't one of my strong suits, either.  Maybe I don't appear to be telling the truth.  Maybe it's even partly because I no longer expect to be believed that I don't seem believable.

And once people assume that I'm lying, it's not much of a stretch for them to believe that I'm lazy, or that I'm no good, or that I might be 'sleeping around', or doing drugs, or whatever.  I've been surprised at this, too.

Then there are the social workers when I apply for government assistance, the doctors and nurses in hospitals, the Social Security Administration.   I've heard it over and over again, that I'm not telling the truth.  And with these people, I don't think it's just me.  I think they assume that anybody who's poor or not working is a low-life.

My husband and my mother are new to this.  I've just gotten used to it.  And lately I've gotten angry about it.  There's no point in trying to convince people and I've stopped trying, and I'm better off for that.  I'm better off keeping the negative people as far away from me as possible.

But I do wonder what it would be like to be generally thought of as an honest, decent person.

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