Well, the examination yesterday went pretty well, I think. I wouldn't want to get my hopes up. At least the doctor was nice to me, and I was never accused of being mentally ill. In fact, it didn't seem like I was on trial this time. (I've experienced that in ERs before--remind me to tell you how scary that can be sometime.) She seemed to actually believe me. She was really friendly.
Apparently my first doctor said I am capable of doing light work. This doctor made a comment about the weeks and weeks I would miss because of my illness. And she's right--today I would be quite physically capable of working. But employers won't just give you a few months out of the year off whenever you get sick. I should know--I've tried.
This doctor also suggested that I get my public school records, and I've sent the school system an email today requesting that information. I was diagnosed with Central Auditory Processing Disorder while I was in high school (by a private psychiatrist), and the doctor I saw yesterday thought those records might help. I should think so--I flunked out of high school and had all kinds of problems.
But I really don't think my hearing problem is the worst of my problems--by the time I've gotten lost on the way to work and failed to recognize my boss and co-workers, well, CAPD is just one more thing. And when I'm trapped in my chair being too sick to get myself dressed or get my own food for weeks on end, CAPD seems like the least of my problems. I'd certainly like to get rid of my immune deficiency and asthma before getting rid of the neurological problems.
But it was kind of startling when my visual memory was tested. Nobody's ever bothered to test this before, which is sad considering how many times I've complained about getting lost and not recognizing anything. I was very pleasantly surprised to be mistaken about what I said in a previous blog post--that I wouldn't be tested for anything that's wrong with me. It's a truly novel approach for Social Security--testing me for something I actually claim to have.
Even if I don't get Social Security, who knows when that testing might be useful. I wonder if it could affect my ability to get accommodations in a workplace, for example. (If only I were healthy enough to keep a job.)
And I was surprised at how badly I did on these tests. I was left wondering where my brain had been when I was looking at the random shapes and squiggles. I just can't remember them. I hadn't realized how badly I would bomb a test like that. It was startling, almost upsetting.
I suppose I should be happy that I flunked parts of the test, but it was unsettling. Like seeing an x-ray and finding out that a part of my brain is missing.
On the other hand, I did spectacularly well at remembering matched pairs of words and retelling stories after I'd heard them. So my memory does work, just not my memory of what I've seen. In fact, the few shapes that I'd copied successfully (I think) by hand and the few cards that I'd placed correctly (I think) on a board--many of those I did remember. I suppose if my hands didn't remember anything I'd have real difficulty playing the piano.
Anyway--it is still extremely hot and dry here. We went out last night to watch auto races, and it was really hot and muggy. I'd gotten up early yesterday (don't know why--maybe it was nerves about the exam), watered plants and birds, did housework, went to take that examination, and then stayed up late at the races. I am tired. I think years of being sick have trained me to just ignore my physical well-being and keep going no matter what. I'm lucky I didn't get heat exhaustion last night. And for a while this afternoon I had trouble staying awake.
I was told after the exam yesterday that I should be tired. And mental exertion is tiring. But I couldn't help thinking, I deal with this all the time--getting lost and trying to figure out who people are and what they just said. It is tiring. I couldn't find people at the race and had a lot of trouble hearing conversation. I've just gotten used to it, but still, being around a lot of people eventually wears me out. I kept thinking about how isolated I am in public places. I had a good time, anyway. The people we went with know about what's wrong with me, too, which helps.
Oh, and we'd stopped at a garage sale after the exam and got three used bikes for the girls, really cheap. And then there was an ice cream truck and I bought them all ice cream. That was a necessity--they're country girls and they've never had ice cream from an ice cream truck before. :) I grew up hearing the music on summer afternoons ('Have you ever seen a lassie, a lassie, a lassie....").
And now it's almost supper time, so I've got to be going....
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