I'll just die if I don't get this recipe....I'll just die if I don't get this recipe....

Well, I'm still here, sitting at the computer.  Nothing else has changed.  I'm just impatient to start showing some sign of improvement.

Yesterday I donated 320 tsps. of medicine (for free) at 'bigtest.org'.  I was up three or four times for a few minutes, and at least got dressed, fixed my hair, and brushed my teeth, and kept the house tidied up just a bit.  I've been able to assign chores to the kids, so the house isn't too far gone.  I sit here like a spider in the middle of a web and run the house.  I have lists on the computer--household chores, ideas for meals, master grocery list, address list, calendar, homeschooling info, etc.  Yesterday I amused myself by emailing a lot of it to my inbox--now I have it all somewhere besides on the computer and on paper, just in case. :)  I really need to get a life.

I just really want OFF the sofa.

I had another scary attack last night before bedtime, where I was just sitting there and then all of a sudden I couldn't breath.  I'm breathless just sitting here, all day long.  It's exhausting.  I wake up several times during the night to go downstairs for more pills.

I feel a freerice marathon coming on today.



Here's something interesting (surfing other people's random blogs can occasionally be interesting)--

http://www.salon.com/2011/01/15/feminist_obsessed_with_mormon_blogs/

This is really not me--making cupcakes with frosting and cherries on top in a kitchen with a brass rooster-shaped pan hanging on the wall behind me.  So not-me.  I'd love it if you made me a cupcake. lol  But I grew up in a household with a stay-at-home mom, and I'm a stay-at-home mom, if not by choice.  It's been very isolating--I know almost no other SAHMs, so I can only imagine what it would be like to be able to be in the company of other women whose lives are somewhat like my own.

I'm not condemning women who work outside the home--I'd planned to be one.  If I woke up healthy tomorrow morning, who knows where I'd be next year.  I think I'm just attracted to the shiny idea that women could have an actual choice about what they want to do with their lives.  We're all different families, with our own finances, health problems.  We have different children with health problems or educational issues.  We have different husbands and wives with different temperaments, different religious beliefs.  A little tolerance on everybody's part would be nice.  In a perfect world.

So it was cool yesterday to be surfing Mormon blogs of housewives who were just unashamedly taking me on a trip down memory lane, where I woke up in the morning to the smell of waffles and bacon.  I remember playing in the back yard under lilac bushes while Mom was hanging laundry on the clothesline.  The day trips to the zoo, or a museum, or an amusement park, with a cooler in the trunk and a few snacks.  Cookies baking while I was freshly bathed in a a flannel nightgown in the middle of winter, watching 'Little House on the Prairie' or 'The Waltons'.

I was so lucky.



However, if you really want a good laugh, here's another one (to each her own)--

http://www.stepfordwives.org/

Who wouldn't want a stepford wife?  I want a stepford wife.  At least this week.  I want her to make me chicken soup and change my sheets and go to the store and lovingly take down all my Christmas decorations and box them up and homeschool the kids and wash the windows....

Oh wait, here's another one....I don't think I really want to know how many there are out there. lol  These aren't really all for real, are they?

http://mrsstepfordwife.blogspot.com/



I think I'll go now before I start feeling the urge to find some pink checkered cloth and a needle and thread and start making matching dresses for everybody. (shudder)